What the Bumble-f*ck

Write a comment

If you work in tech, I don’t want to date you.

But if you’re cute, self-sufficient, handsome and call your mother at least once a week, I might swipe right. And if you can string sentences together, are clean, fit and respectful, I might even want to fuck you.

So, it was with high hopes that I met Jeff (his real name… I didn’t feel the need to anonymize him since 12.3% of the valley is called Jeff) for craft coffee (yep, that’s a thing) at 3 pm in the afternoon in between pitch meetings and yoga.

He has a real job as a psychologist, which I thought would be great, but turns out he’s a “performance enhancer” coach and wasn’t so much hitting on me, as hitting me up for introductions to the firm and my portfolio companies. 

I tried to remind him that my performance didn’t need enhancing, but he has his sales banter at the ready…blah blah blah teamwork, blah blah blah storming/norming/forming, blah blah blah workplace hacks. Ugh!

Now, Bumble has a discreet business-app; a type of church and state between dating and business, but Jeff decided to jump over the Chinese wall and turned our would-be date into yet another pitch meeting for me to endure.

I reported him to Bumble and had him bounced from the app. I called a friend at LinkedIn and had his account suspended.

So, I guess in a way, I did fuck him.

Taking A Haircut

Write a comment

Life lesson time. When you’re asking someone for money, don’t ask them for a date in the same meeting.

This really happened…

A team came in with a new app idea (Uber for haircuts) and at the end of the pitch (I wasn’t going to fund them because I had to remind them that the value in the hair dressing business is mostly women, and women do not want to welcome strangers into their homes…and tend to be loyal to their hairdressers, or at least to their salons), but judging from the haircuts of these three guys (yep, all dudes), their moms still cut their hair.

With the pitch done, while making small talk on the way out the door, the founder offered me a coupon code for a free haircut and then had the gall (the balls?) to offer to come personally to supervise the haircut and would bring a bottle of 2007 Opus One. Once he left, I promptly looked up the bottle’s value on benchmark ($419!) and decided if he could afford a wine like that, he didn’t need my investment.