I just left Big Sister’s house. And I’m not even sure how to describe how I’m feeling right now. Mortified? Terrified? Incredulous? Sad?
I was there to spend time with my niece and nephew — and, of course, my big (I’m not “allowed” to call her “older”) sister. Just a little time before dinner and then dinner itself. And I don’t think enough Opus One exists in the world to calm my nerves after what just transpired.
Jackson and Janica are three-year-old (IVF) twins, whose shared operating system seems to be set to havoc mode. The wreak it on themselves, on each other, on anyone around them, and most definitely on Big Sis’ newly remodeled Mountain View house. It was just like a whirlwind of screaming and tantrums and fighting and accusing and crying and stomping. Basically, it was like a board meeting for a start-up facing a down-round. But with more snot.
Little Jackson has So. Much. Energy. Even though their (faux Frank Lloyd Wright) house is crazy-huge, there was just not enough space to contain this kid. He wanted to run-run-run everywhere, and he was sliding all over their hardwood floors, crashing into Janica and their dog and their furniture, and wanting to show me all of these spinny-top battle things he has called Bey-Blades, which had nothing to do with Beyonce.
Which I guess I gladly would’ve played with him had Janica not been tugging on my skirt and begging me to help her with her sticker book. Then she stole one of Jackson’s spinners and all hell broke loose. I couldn’t believe that Big Sis just kept on working in the kitchen like she didn’t hear World War 3 erupting a few feet away.
The funniest part was that she had this emo-vibey instrumental music playing on their sound system and I was thinking, “My dear sister, that is NOT doing anything to calm these hellions down.”
It did make me wonder about embarking on this whole single-parenting journey. Could I really handle all of this — alone? I mean, Big Sister seemedall chill, but the reality is that not only does she not work, but they also have a nanny from 9-5 to help her with the kids, errand-running, housework and chores and all of that.
I realized that Anders has a built-in support structure that I might never have. He and I work the same hours at the same insane pace (though of course he was conveniently MIA tonight), butIwon’t have a spouse taking care of everything for me at home. He can pretty much just focus on deal flow and know that everything at home is handled. It’s not exactly a fair fight. And to be honest, I kinda resent Big Sis for enabling him to be laser-focused on his career. And I think she’d be more than judgmental of my ambitions to have kids without a partner.
So…I don’t think I can tell her about my egg-freezing plan anymore. But I will stop worrying about that for now and concentrate on finding some wine. Or maybe a shot of tequila.
Full Ratchet 